I'm so cold I make your heart stop,
Your girl can't say shit, she's a bop.
Your a harmless fool,
The pussy bows down to Ja Rule.
Homie fuck with the kid,
I'll blow your head off like Big did.
You love dissing me,
But say shit to my sisters, that's a different story.
homie you's a fake ass "G",
gonna get smacked by the true P.I.M.P.
Yo homie, I'm the next Pac,
One round with me, no Guns, no Glocc.
you jealous cause you not me,
You a bitch ass nazi.
I laugh at you little ass remarks,
You a punk who hides from me in the dark.
But I find you in your car,
Parked up next to the gay bar.
homie you's a clown,
If we see eachother you gettin' throw'd down.
Tell your wife to stay out, she's a whore,
Tell your people, I'm ready for war.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,854 Reviews
How can we know what it's saying if we don't read it?
Hey, loved your poem! I just gotta say, for the people who were dissing your poem...IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT IT'S SAYING, DON'T READ IT!! I, for one, thought it was completely awesome. It got a point across, didn't it?
I don't think anyone is "dissing" it because it's rap. They are making negative comments about it because they don't like it.
Since I don't want to be repetative, I just have one quick comment. Be really careful in your use of words like "nazi." Keep in mind who the Nazis were, and make sure that is really the kind of image that you want to get across.
That is soooooooooooooooooo cool!
2Pac had something to say back in the day...before he let his rivalry with Biggie get in the way. Men like that who creat beats and rhymes I have all the respect in the world for.
Good luck trying to reach that peak.
This was just amazing.
I mean, for the first time, I'm at a loss for words.
Hmm... it had the real true street vibe to it and I oculd tell by some of the slang used that it wasnt fake because I'm familiar with some of it myself.
I may seem like a pussy online but I'm not.
I especially loved the end
Tell your wife to stay out, she's a whore,
Tell your people, I'm ready for war.
The whore part really made me lmao.
You've commented on some of my work before and really well at that so here's my payback.
Yo, thanks dude.
8.5/10
Amen.
I have to say, while it's not my cup of tea I have a healthy respect for rap as an artform--as long as it's that, art, and not an excuse to abuse profanity and humanity in equal parts. This, unfortunately, is the latter. Try replacing useless, pointless anger/obscenity with cleverness, and you have potential.
better than i could ever do....keep up the good work ^_^
Yeah, I think it's pretty narrow-minded of people to diss this just because it's rap. I mean, I'm not a big fan of rap, but that's mostly because there doesn't seem to be much to mainstream rap beyond sex. Rap has the potential to be an awesome form of self-expression and a wonderful music style, and not many rap stars do it justice. As far as the profanity in this...I do kinda think that all the language in this DOESN'T do anything for it-perhaps a little bit would to give this a bit of punch, but with all the curse words it kind of loses the punch, ya know? But anyways not sure what else to say about this since I'm not a rap expert or anything, but it was definitely good how you could feel the emotions in this one!
To Rick's credit, he did put as the title "Warning: Read At Your Own Risk." Obviously he's fully aware of the profane language and knows that others may not take to it so kindly.
I think what this rap is missing is a narrative. Rap, even rap such as this, became popular only once artists began using it to relate narratives; that is, to relate frustration, decadence, corruption, crime (although can also be used to relate beauty, truth, innocence). Nowadays, rap is fast declining in popularity because it's now just bubble gum pop lyrics without the catchy tune, except it's laced with profanities.
There's also no beat to it. You got one going in the beginning, and you have one at the end, but it falls apart in the middle. There has to be a distinct, constant rhythm in order for it to work well.
Anyhow, please no further moralizing in this thread. If you don't like vulgarity (and I absolutely abhor it), that's cool. But don't write something like, "Don't write stuff like this."
Guys, if you don't like it, please give constructive criticism.
I think that the use of profanity is really repetitious. This style is reeking with modern rap style. The problem is that each time you use one of the heavy profanities, it loses power, especially when there is no reason for it.
For instance, if 50 cent used the F word, I wouldn't even think twice about it. But if Ned Flanders used the F word, I would start running for the hills, because it means that something is very very wrong. So that's what I mean by it losing power.
Sure, the first time I read it it had shock value, but on a re-read, it was completely dead.
When everything is said and done, all this is is a rap that says "Don't mess with me you little people." If I want to read/hear it, I'll tune into "The Apprentice" for a dose of the Donald.
This can not be improved simply because the entire subject matter has been exhausted. There are so many anger raps out there and this one isn't unique among them. I recommend that you look for a different message to send, one which hasn't been plastered all over the public.
... I would have to agree with those who posted ahead of me. Profane language works only in moderation, and even then one sometimes goes to far with it. To have an entire lyrical piece rather entirely dependent on it, not only draws heavily away from the piece, but it turns people off of the style as well.
I have nothing against music that expresses the artist's displeasure, rage, anger, etcetera, but to make an actual niche out of it as rap has done just seems as if it's gone a bit too far out there in the good taste and good writing range.
Best of luck.
Dreamy.
It seems like profanity and degrading words just for the sake of it. And anyone can do that.
This is a manifestation of popculture-induced incompetence.
Put down your nearest Mainstream rap source and do something productive with your life.
O.O
Please stop writing that kind of stuff. It's very profane, and as Magicman said, it's unpleasant.
Yeah, this poem didn't really "mean" anything, if that's what you're trying to get at. Just a lot of unpleasant images.
MM
erm....I'm not much for rap or profanity so this didn't really do much for me.
Just my personal preference.